transportation issues and inconsistent grace

Just so you know, I hate driving. Actually, it's not the physical act of driving I despise so much as it is other drivers. I swear, the roads are packed with idiots who won't let you merge and who cut you off in traffic!!

And you know what else, I don't like myself so much when I am behind the wheel. I yell. I curse - sorry Mom - like a sailor. You know, when people accidentally swear in front of me and then they get all nervous because I'm a minister and everything, I try to assuage their guilt by saying something like, "Well, obviously you've never heard me in traffic." Yeah, I can really cuss.

Now, I am not a road-rager. I do get frustrated and yell a bit. But I don't let it build up. One second, I am screaming, "You $#*$% jerk!!" and the next, I am wailing along with Gladys. "I'll be with him (I know you will)...on that midnight train to Georgia (leaving on a midnight train - woo woo!)". Nah, I don't carry the anger with me. No racing to pass the @#$% who cut me off in order to cut him off. I like reciprocity but not revenge. And no tailgating the slowpoke going 45 in a 60 zone. That's just a useless waste of energy. I yell. I swear. I damn them to hell* (maybe not an eternal sentence, but at least some immediate condemnation). And then I move on. Back to singing with the Pips.

So no, I don't like driving. I much prefer mass transit, my bike, or my very own little feet.

But sometimes, I just have to drive. Like yesterday. I had to retrieve Craig from the airport. On our drive back into the city, I was continually pissed off by other drivers. We weren't even on our way back, we were still at the airport, when I first got irritated. You see, I was just about to pull away from the curb when this car (a Beemer) stops in the lane next to me to let somebody out. So I was trapped. Idiot!! With a few choice expletives, I wished damnation upon him.

Then on the highway, I needed to get over to the left lane to prepare for my exit. So I signaled and checked my mirrors. Which was when I noticed that the car behind me pulled into the left lane and sped up, so I couldn't get into that lane. After the car passed me, the driver pulls back into the lane ahead of me. Now, if that person wanted to continue in her original lane and go faster, why couldn't she have just stayed in the lane and let me pull into the left hand lane, which is what I wanted to do anyway? I guess she was just oblivious. Or mean. Take your pick. Either way, I issued a curse upon her.

When we arrived at Craig's home (after attending the baptism of his friend's daughter, hopefully saving her from the fiery pit and thus making her a good driver) I discovered that the back tire of my bicycle had been stolen. I had left my bike locked to a parking meter after our last bike ride. And somebody had stolen the back tire. Oh, this was upsetting. I had just spent some major bucks getting my bike fixed and I don't know how much new back tires cost, but it is certainly more than I can afford.

But interestingly enough, I wasn't angry. I was sad. And hurt. And shocked. But not angry. And then I became very philosophical, inquiring into the reasons why people steal, contemplating injustices in society, both actual and perceived, that people use as reasons to take something that is not theirs. This led to a discussion about privilege and oppression. Now, I don't want to excuse people for taking the possession of another or to imply that theft is justified (and I doubt that stealing my bike tire ensured that some impoverished children didn't go to bed hungry that night). But still, I just felt a sadness that we live in a world where people feel the need or the desire to steal from another.

So, we were having this conversation about the injustices in our society and a culture of taking from others, etc. And it was in the midst of this discussion when I suddenly realized an inconsistent absurdity about myself: if you steal from me, I will try to understand where you are coming from and what made you do it. But if you cut me off in traffic, I will extend no such mercy; you are damned.

I guess we all must live with such strange contradictions within ourselves. I just recognized another of mine.



*Note: I do not believe in some fiery-furnace, afterlife concept of hell. But perhaps that is the subject for another post.